Are unresolved trauma, anxiety, or relationship challenges holding you back? Virtual EMDR therapy might be the solution you're looking for. In this blog, we explore the key signs that indicate EMDR could enhance your healing journey, offering a convenient and powerful way to process emotional wounds from the comfort of your home. Discover if virtual EMDR is right for you and take the first step toward lasting relief. Click to learn more!
In an increasingly digital world, virtual EMDR therapy has become a game-changer for those seeking effective trauma treatment from the comfort of their own homes. Whether you're new to EMDR or exploring the virtual option, it's important to understand how this approach works and how you can prepare for a successful experience.
In this blog, we’ll explore the effectiveness of virtual EMDR therapy, comparing it to traditional in-person sessions, and provide practical tips to help you make the most of your virtual therapy. Whether you're curious about the benefits or ready to start your journey, this guide will give you the insights and confidence you need to embrace virtual EMDR therapy!
Are past relationships or traumatic experiences holding you back? Trauma attachments can deeply impact your mental health, leading to patterns of fear, anxiety, and unhealthy relationships. In this blog, we explore how EMDR therapy, now accessible virtually, can help you process these deep emotional bonds and move toward healing. Discover how you can break free from the grip of past trauma and start building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Click to learn more!
Looking for a virtual EMDR therapist but unsure where to start? Finding the right therapist can be daunting, but knowing what to look for can make the process smoother. In this step-by-step guide, we’ll walk you through how to identify a qualified EMDR therapist, from understanding what EMDR therapy is to verifying credentials and scheduling consultations. Click to discover essential tips for finding the right therapist to help you navigate your healing journey effectively!
The sacral chakra, or Svadhisthana, is the second energy center in our body's chakra system, located just below the navel. It governs our emotions, creativity, and sensuality, influencing our ability to connect with others and embrace our inner desires. When this chakra is imbalanced, you might experience emotional instability, creative blocks, or difficulties in personal relationships. Fortunately, various therapeutic services can help restore harmony and vitality to the sacral chakra, promoting overall emotional and creative well-being. In this blog, we’ll explore a range of therapeutic practices designed to rebalance the sacral chakra, from holistic therapies and energy healing to creative expression techniques, and how they can guide you towards a more balanced and fulfilling life.
As you might have heard, depression, anxiety and suicide rates are significantly higher among the LGBTQ community. The question is what will help build some resiliency? Well, there are a number of ways to help build resiliency in yourself or in those you love who may be struggling. Here are Spilove Psychotherapy's top five.
I know, I know, it sounds TERRIFYING! Yes, I'm serious - you will not die from eating food in a restaurant ... I PROMISE! It might FEEL like you'll die, it might seem like you'll gain a hundred pounds just from eating the food that is cooked for you back in that kitchen you can't see.
As my friend and colleague, Natalie says, "there aren't calorie ninja's back in the kitchen adding calories to your food"! I understand the fear - I get that allowing somebody else to prepare your food is giving up control in a way that might not feel safe for you just yet. Here's the rub, though - even though it might be hard to admit, I KNOW you want to be able to participate in experiences that involve food. You WANT to be social. You want to hang with your friends while they get frozen yogurt or try the food at the new cafe. You want to live your life again... it's just that ED forbids it. Here are some helpful tips for you to get more comfortable with dining out:
When you find yourself feeling fear about eating in a restaurant, it's sort of like a phobia - a very heightened anxiety around something specific. The way to deal with and cure this type of phobia is through exposure - WITHOUT - re-traumatizing yourself. So you don't want to push yourself to take it all on without practicing and getting comfortable with various aspects of it first.
Use affirmations - they are wonderfully helpful ways to rewire your brain!
You might want to enlist the help of your therapist, friend or family member. Tell them some food options that you consider safe. Start small.
Your support team member could either get you food from a restaurant or give you food that they made without you present. Or if you need to start even smaller, you could watch them make your meal so you know it's safe. Eat with them. Notice your feelings. Use anxiety reduction and grounding techniques. Keep breathing and do your best. Keep practicing this step until your anxiety stays below a 7 on a 0-10 scale with 10 being the worst anxiety you've felt and 0 being no anxiety at all.
Once you get comfortable with eating meals made by others, up the ante. If you're still not ready for restaurant dining, try getting take-out or try eating foods you didn't see being prepared. Use an affirmation like "This food is safe and nourishing; I am safe and I can eat this food". Make sure you start off each experience with some breathing and relaxing techniques so that you don't associate fear with the experience.
If noise bothers you, choose a restaurant that's quieter or a time of day that's less intense like lunch. See if you can get a table that's against a wall, in a corner or in a quieter area of the restaurant. This reduces over-stimulation and feelings of vulnerability.
In earlier recovery, it's helpful to have a plan. If you know which restaurant you'll be going to, look up their menu online. Work with your therapist or dietician to determine which menu item you'll be selecting. Most restaurants have portions that are significantly larger than the exchanges on your meal plan. If this is the case, you could anticipate eating half the meal. One tip is to ask for a to-go box at the beginning of the meal so that you can put half away for later and just focus on what's on your plate.
This experience is hard enough, don't add to it by going with someone who doesn't "get it" or tries to sabotage your recovery. Some therapists or dietitians will conduct sessions at the restaurant with you so that you can talk through it as it's happening. If that's not an option, or you're ready for the next step, choose a member of your support group who understands your recovery. Let them know the plan beforehand and maybe come up with a code word in case you need to abandon the mission.
Keep taking those deep belly breaths and know that this is just one meal. One meal won't make you fat. If you notice yourself starting to get overwhelmed or anxious, just come back to your breath. While you're eating, try to focus the conversation on something else like the weather, the new movie just out or anything fun. Take a sip of water, feel your feet. You got this!!
This experience is not just about today or next week. You are engaging in this exercise so that you can enjoy your life - so that you can HAVE a life! Spending all your time in isolation, feeling lonely, not participating in social events is no way to live. Remember that you are doing this so that you can be happy and free of your eating disorder.
One day at a time
One meal at a time
One bite at a time
You CAN recover!! Recovery from an eating disorder is not a linear process. It goes all over the place, it's messy at times and sometimes you need to take 5 steps backward so that you can get good 2 steps forwards. Even one success is worth celebrating, so give yourself credit for EVERYTHING you do right.
If you're still feeling anxious about dining out and you'd like some support, I'd be happy to schedule a time to help you reach your goals. Contact me now at 610.314.8402 to learn more about how to dine out with an eating disorder. Please feel free to share this post with anyone who is looking for help with eating and body issues.
Good luck and enjoy!!
If you have any questions or need support, please feel free to call me at 610.314.8402 for a free 15 minute phone consultation.
Please comment below and tell us your story!
Holidays may be happy and exciting for some of us and for some, they are also very stressful. Food is definitely a big deal during the holiday season for most people. Gym memberships go up afterward, people are often found dieting or “cheating” on their diets. Some binge, some restrict, some over-eat and some fall apart. I’d like to help you find a bit of peace from my corner of the world during this time when Christmas is fast approaching. If you haven’t already read them, check out some free tips on normal eating, getting grounded, reducing anxiety, navigating the grocery store… They should prove useful for you as well.
Remember that Christmas can be about celebrating spirituality. It can be about enjoying family or giving. It can be about service, love, bundling up on a cold day or anything you want it to be!
Find a purpose and go for it. If your purpose is about service, think about how you’d like to be of service. It could be as simple as helping to set up or clean up the party. You could help the less fortunate through a soup kitchen or donating gifts to children who need them. If you’d like your purpose to be about reading a great book and drinking tea, then go for it! Any intention you’d like for Christmas is yours to have!
BEFORE you leave your house. Think about what grounds you? Do something that feels very grounding for you and set an intention to keep checking in with yourself during the day. One of my favorite ways to get grounded is to ask myself
– then look down at them; wiggle my toes, feel my feet on the floor or in my shoes. When I do that, I can rest assured that right here, in this moment, I am safe. In this moment, where my feet are, I am okay. Here are some other examples of grounding activities:
Try a new recipe you've been thinking about. Bring safe foods for you to the event you go to so that you have at least one option while you're there.
This is not the time for major challenge meals. While I encourage you to taste some of every food you're interested in, if you know that a certain food will completely set you off, just avoid it for now. Challenge meals are best done with the support of a therapist or a support community. You can practice eating challenge meals until they're no longer as challenging. Once you've accomplished taking the power out of the challenging foods, THEN you can incorporate them into your holiday festivities. In this instance, it might be better to be safe than sorry - don't push yourself so hard that you find yourself wanting to act out in a binge-purge cycle. Support yourself in enjoying Christmas as much as possible rather than pushing yourself into discomfort.
Do your best to eat meals at the normal times you usually eat them. So instead of skipping breakfast and going to Christmas hungry, eat your normal breakfast.
On a scale of 0-10, with zero being extremely starving, 5 is having a light sense of satisfaction – being neither hungry nor full and ten being the most stuffed you’ve ever experienced. How hungry are you? Aim for letting yourself empty out to a 2-3 before eating a meal. See if you can stop eating at a 5-7.
Once you are hungry, rather than grazing on all the different foods, make a plate.
Skip the foods that don’t interest you much. Sit down and really savor the foods you chose. Check in with your hunger and satiety signals a few times while you eat your plate. Once you are satisfied, tell yourself that you can have more when you are hungry again and follow through. Making a practice of using hunger and satiety cues is extremely helpful in finding balance with food.
People tend to project their OWN food and body issues onto others’. So if you notice yourself engaged in a conversation with someone who’s trying to talk you in or out of eating or commenting on your body, take a step back.
Saying you need to use the bathroom is always an easy out to give yourself some time and space to check back in with yourself and get grounded. Take some deep breaths, splash some water on your face and ask yourself what you need in that moment to take care of yourself before you leave the bathroom. Here are some examples of things you can say to people who are pushing you:
Practice saying these boundaries out loud BEFORE the holiday, so that when you’re in the moment, they flow easily and effortlessly.
Enlist a member of your support group to be ‘Holiday Buddies’ to practice what I call ‘Book Ending’: Have a few agreed upon times you with check-in with one another throughout the day – perhaps before, during and after. You could plan to call or text one another to report how things are going. If you don’t hear from your buddy, shoot them a text to see what’s going on. In this way, you have another person who has your best interest in mind to be accountable to. This practice is also helpful in getting your mind off yourself and your own difficulties.
Remember that Christmas is only one day out of the year. Breathe into the gifts you receive whether they are material or spiritual, gratitude or emotions - breathe into this experience of life and know that you can get through this. You don't need to be perfect and neither does your holiday. When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, focus on your breath. Remember you can start your day over at any time.
I hope you've found these Christmas tips helpful. If you're still feeling overwhelmed, please feel free to give me a call at 610.314.8402 - I'd be happy to help.
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College sounds so glorious at the start – getting away from parents and rules, living on your own or with friends, getting to party all night or just being able to do whatever you want WHENEVER you want. It’s gona be AMAZING!!
And then you get your syllabi! The work starts to pile up. You’re exhausted and strangely malnourished even though you think you’re eating alright. You’ve watched the sun come up one too many times this week and your body is starting to give out.
I know you love your smart-phones and nifty electronic apps that can do all sorts of fancy things, but the problem is they can be too neatly tucked away and forgotten about. Like vegetables in the vegetable drawer, if you don’t see your schedule, you will forget it’s there and it will get moldy! So a nice big calendar that has whole months you can look at, all at once - that's what you need.
This means papers, tests, essays, projects – things you need to actually hand in - to the teacher. Write each assignment in the date that it is due. Select your pink highlighter (or any color, really, this is just an example). HIGHLIGHT each TURN IN task in pink.
THAT is your target due date. So for example, if the paper is due on Tuesday the 15th, your target due date is Friday, the 11th. Here’s the rule I implemented for myself that worked very well through grad school: IF I finish my assignment by Friday the weekend BEFORE it’s due, THEN I can play and relax the rest of the weekend. If not, I target Saturday to finish it, then I can play Sunday, etc. I made my target due dates the weekend before so it gave me time during the week to edit or catch up on any other assignments, readings, etc and not feel like I was rushing to get the assignment done.
Once you've plugged in these due dates, target dates and reading assignments, you’ve got your priorities scheduled and color coded.
One of my favorite high school teachers told us as seniors that if we just made college our “9-5 job”, we’d be successful. What she meant was this: when you are in high school, you have a structure GIVEN to you. You must be awake by a certain time and go through each class at a certain time and be home by a certain time (typically). So when college freshmen enter school, it can sometimes look like a free-for-all and people who are pre-disposed to anxiety or depression can find themselves struggling to keep up because of a lack of structure. So you can look at it this way:
Work on your assignments and reading and classes from 9-5 every week-day, even when you’re not in class. Get your stuff done before it’s due, that way your evenings and weekends can be fun times for parties, relaxing with Netflix or hanging with friends.
You’ll find, as you move into adulthood, that ‘work’ is never done. So, if you don’t contain your work into ‘work-time’ and contain your free time into ‘play time’, then you’ll never truly be able to relax and never truly be focused on work.
For some extroverts, play-time comes naturally and easily. They enjoy socializing in the hall of the dorm, on campus, at frat parties, etc. For others’, it may provoke anxiety and insecurity. If you’re introverted or shy or haven’t been exposed to many social situations that you feel comfortable in college can be a difficult experience. Here are some tips on finding ‘your people’ and your version of play time.
For more information, contact me now at 610.314.8402
