Dining Out ... With an Eating Disorder

I know, I know, it sounds TERRIFYING!  Yes, I'm serious - you will not die from eating food in a restaurant ... I PROMISE!  It might FEEL like you'll die, it might seem like you'll gain a hundred pounds just from eating the food that is cooked for you back in that kitchen you can't see.  

As my friend and colleague, Natalie says, "there aren't calorie ninja's back in the kitchen adding calories to your food"!  I understand the fear - I get that allowing somebody else to prepare your food is giving up control in a way that might not feel safe for you just yet.  Here's the rub, though - even though it might be hard to admit, I KNOW you want to be able to participate in experiences that involve food.  You WANT to be social.  You want to hang with your friends while they get frozen yogurt or try the food at the new cafe.  You want to live your life again... it's just that ED forbids it.  Here are some helpful tips for you to get more comfortable with dining out:

Practice

When you find yourself feeling fear about eating in a restaurant, it's sort of like a phobia - a very heightened anxiety around something specific.  The way to deal with and cure this type of phobia is through exposure - WITHOUT - re-traumatizing yourself.  So you don't want to push yourself to take it all on without practicing and getting comfortable with various aspects of it first.  

Use affirmations - they are wonderfully helpful ways to rewire your brain!

You might want to enlist the help of your therapist, friend or family member.  Tell them some food options that you consider safe.  Start small.  

It's better to have success with something less challenging than to get overwhelmed with something scarier.  

Your support team member could either get you food from a restaurant or give you food that they made without you present.  Or if you need to start even smaller, you could watch them make your meal so you know it's safe.  Eat with them.  Notice your feelings.  Use anxiety reduction and grounding techniques.  Keep breathing and do your best.  Keep practicing this step until your anxiety stays below a 7 on a 0-10 scale with 10 being the worst anxiety you've felt and 0 being no anxiety at all. 

Increase the challenge slowly

Once you get comfortable with eating meals made by others, up the ante.  If you're still not ready for restaurant dining, try getting take-out or try eating foods you didn't see being prepared.  Use an affirmation like "This food is safe and nourishing; I am safe and I can eat this food".  Make sure you start off each experience with some breathing and relaxing techniques so that you don't associate fear with the experience.

Dining Out

If noise bothers you, choose a restaurant that's quieter or a time of day that's less intense like lunch.  See if you can get a table that's against a wall, in a corner or in a quieter area of the restaurant.  This reduces over-stimulation and feelings of vulnerability.  

Have a plan

In earlier recovery, it's helpful to have a plan.  If you know which restaurant you'll be going to, look up their menu online.  Work with your therapist or dietician to determine which menu item you'll be selecting.  Most restaurants have portions that are significantly larger than the exchanges on your meal plan.  If this is the case, you could anticipate eating half the meal.  One tip is to ask for a to-go box at the beginning of the meal so that you can put half away for later and just focus on what's on your plate.  

Go with someone supportive

This experience is hard enough, don't add to it by going with someone who doesn't "get it" or tries to sabotage your recovery.  Some therapists or dietitians will conduct sessions at the restaurant with you so that you can talk through it as it's happening.  If that's not an option, or you're ready for the next step, choose a member of your support group who understands your recovery.  Let them know the plan beforehand and maybe come up with a code word in case you need to abandon the mission.

Remember to breathe

Keep taking those deep belly breaths and know that this is just one meal.  One meal won't make you fat.  If you notice yourself starting to get overwhelmed or anxious, just come back to your breath.  While you're eating, try to focus the conversation on something else like the weather, the new movie just out or anything fun.  Take a sip of water, feel your feet.  You got this!!

Do's and Don'ts:

Do:

• Keep the conversation light
• Have some topics in mind to talk about while you're eating
• Get the food down
• Chew thoroughly
• Focus on the conversation, the beautiful setting or anything but the food and body
• Wear comfortable clothes
• Stay at the table for the entirety of the meal
• Set your pace to about 30 minutes to complete your meal

Don't:

• Count the calories
• Compare your dish to anyone else's
• Body check while you're at the table
• Talk about food, weight, exercise or anything triggering while you're at the table

Keep your eye on the prize!

This experience is not just about today or next week.  You are engaging in this exercise so that you can enjoy your life - so that you can HAVE a life!  Spending all your time in isolation, feeling lonely, not participating in social events is no way to live.  Remember that you are doing this so that you can be happy and free of your eating disorder.  

One day at a time

One meal at a time

One bite at a time

You CAN recover!!  Recovery from an eating disorder is not a linear process.  It goes all over the place, it's messy at times and sometimes you need to take 5 steps backward so that you can get good 2 steps forwards.  Even one success is worth celebrating, so give yourself credit for EVERYTHING you do right.  

If you're still feeling anxious about dining out and you'd like some support, I'd be happy to schedule a time to help you reach your goals.  Contact me now at 610.314.8402 to learn more about how to dine out with an eating disorder.  Please feel free to share this post with anyone who is looking for help with eating and body issues.

Good luck and enjoy!!

If you have any questions or need support, please feel free to call me at 610.314.8402 for a free 15 minute phone consultation.

Please comment below and tell us your story!

It’s Here! The Fundamental Tips for College Survival

College sounds so glorious at the start – getting away from parents and rules, living on your own or with friends, getting to party all night or just being able to do whatever you want WHENEVER you want.  It’s gona be AMAZING!!

And then you get your syllabi!  The work starts to pile up.  You’re exhausted and strangely malnourished even though you think you’re eating alright.  You’ve watched the sun come up one too many times this week and your body is starting to give out.

So how do you manage to juggle the whole ‘being an adult in college thing’? 

Tools you will need:

• Paper Calendar
• Highlighters in various colors
• Syllabi

Here are some tips that can help:

Paper calendars are your friends! 

I know you love your smart-phones and nifty electronic apps that can do all sorts of fancy things, but the problem is they can be too neatly tucked away and forgotten about.  Like vegetables in the vegetable drawer, if you don’t see your schedule, you will forget it’s there and it will get moldy!  So a nice big calendar that has whole months you can look at, all at once - that's what you need. 

Once you've got your calendar, then take your syllabi and start plugging in the TURN IN assignments ONLY! 

This means papers, tests, essays, projects – things you need to actually hand in - to the teacher.  Write each assignment in the date that it is due.  Select your pink highlighter (or any color, really, this is just an example).  HIGHLIGHT each TURN IN task in pink. 

Next, look at the weekend BEFORE the project or paper is due and write in the assignment in that weekend. 

THAT is your target due date.  So for example, if the paper is due on Tuesday the 15th, your target due date is Friday, the 11th.  Here’s the rule I implemented for myself that worked very well through grad school: IF I finish my assignment by Friday the weekend BEFORE it’s due, THEN I can play and relax the rest of the weekend.  If not, I target Saturday to finish it, then I can play Sunday, etc.  I made my target due dates the weekend before so it gave me time during the week to edit or catch up on any other assignments, readings, etc and not feel like I was rushing to get the assignment done. 

So highlight the TARGET DUE DATE for each assignment in another color.

Now that you have things that you actually need to turn in scheduled, you can write in reading assignments and other “passive” tasks and highlight THEM in yet a 3RD color. 

Once you've plugged in these due dates, target dates and reading assignments, you’ve got your priorities scheduled and color coded.

Make school your “job”

One of my favorite high school teachers told us as seniors that if we just made college our “9-5 job”, we’d be successful.  What she meant was this: when you are in high school, you have a structure GIVEN to you.  You must be awake by a certain time and go through each class at a certain time and be home by a certain time (typically).  So when college freshmen enter school, it can sometimes look like a free-for-all and people who are pre-disposed to anxiety or depression can find themselves struggling to keep up because of a lack of structure.  So you can look at it this way:

College work is a full-time job:

Work on your assignments and reading and classes from 9-5 every week-day, even when you’re not in class.  Get your stuff done before it’s due, that way your evenings and weekends can be fun times for parties, relaxing with Netflix or hanging with friends.

If work is left uncontained, people with anxiety tend to feel like they can never relax. 

You’ll find, as you move into adulthood, that ‘work’ is never done.  So, if you don’t contain your work into ‘work-time’ and contain your free time into ‘play time’, then you’ll never truly be able to relax and never truly be focused on work.  

What does ‘play-time’ look like?

For some extroverts, play-time comes naturally and easily.  They enjoy socializing in the hall of the dorm, on campus, at frat parties, etc.  For others’, it may provoke anxiety and insecurity.  If you’re introverted or shy or haven’t been exposed to many social situations that you feel comfortable in college can be a difficult experience.  Here are some tips on finding ‘your people’ and your version of play time.

For more information, contact me now at 610.314.8402