Setting Boundaries with Your Child in 5 Simple Steps
By Alli Domers Benhaim, MSS, LCSW
Imagine driving in the city without stop lights or stop signs. Can you picture the chaos as you approach an intersection or need to make a turn? What a nightmare. Similarly, without rules and limits, children feel out of control. Just like drivers, children need boundaries to feel safe and secure.
Here are five steps to help you set supportive boundaries with your children:
Use very clear and direct language. Like: “It is time to be all done with ______.”
Use your ‘I mean it voice’ so your kids know that you mean business.
Validate your children’s feelings or experience after you set boundaries. You might say something like: “I hear that you don’t want to be done playing, but it is time to put your toys away. You can tell me that you feel_____”.
Follow through with the limits you set. This is important because if you don’t, children will push your boundaries until you cave in.
Praise your children when they respect a boundary. You could say: “I know that was hard for you, but I am proud of you for listening”.
Remember, you are always modeling for your children. The more boundaries you set, the more likely they will have good boundaries in their life. At first, you may get push back from your children, but they’ll quickly understand your boundaries. And, things will be a lot easier moving forward.
