How to Manage Your Emotions and Feelings so They Aren’t Running the Show
You’re in the midst of a transformation–whether you are grieving a dream you had that is no more or you have moved into a new phase of your life, all you know is that you just want to be happy.
You want to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
You want to be that fun parent again and laugh with your kids.
You have everything or most of what you want and all of what you need, but you’re just STRUGGLING!
You’ve done therapy before and all they do is ask you about your FEEEEEELINGS!!
You’re worried if you talk about them anymore, you’ll get lost in the morass of emotions and never come out to find yourself again.
I get it, I’m there too and here’s what I’m finding:
What we resist, persists: My Aunt Michelle always used to say this to me and it drove me crazy, but she wasn’t wrong. When I resist the emotions, they just come back stronger and often hit me sideways. I notice that when I’m actively denying feeling, that same pesky feeling will pop up in a new place in response to an unrelated topic and it’s often out of proportion to what’s happening real time. So if I give myself space and grace to feel all the things, then when it comes to doing life and functioning, I can more clearly interface with the world. What that looks like real time is giving myself space to journal, listen to the emotional music, have a good cry or a painful therapy session. ONLY THEN can I move into other spaces with ease. If I resist what is there regardless, it tends to get displaced.
Sweat it out: Emotions are stored up energy. When I move my body to the point of exertion, it helps the emotions move through. The back and forth movement of running, walking, swimming or biking are EMDR hacks too. These activities are bi-lateral stimulation, which EMDR utilizes as well. If I focus on the upsetting thing WHILE I engage in bilateral stimulation, my brain processes it faster and the endorphins tend to provide relief, answers and a nice mood booster as well. And here’s a secret, when I’m sweating along with everyone else at the gym, do you think one person would notice if there were tears mixed in there too? I think not.
Take a break: My very clever brain tends to spin around on the same problems ad nauseum. I can spin myself right into a deep dark hole and that’s just not helpful when I’m trying to move through a thing. When I realize I’m spinning, or ruminating (as us therapists like to say), I try to remember to change the channel or the scenery. If I’m in a conversation that’s not going well, I can always take a break and come back to it later. Going for a drive, taking a shower or moving my body to a different location is often helpful. I can also shift my mind into a different topic when I’m conscious of what’s happening. So sometimes immersing myself in work, writing or a good rom com or action movie can ease some of the emotional overwhelm.
Gratitude changes perspective: An oldie but goodie, gratitude has always been a game changer for me. When my brain gets into the ruts of all the things I can find wrong in my world, shifting into asking myself, ‘What are you grateful for today?’ completely moves me into a different head space. If I find gratitude for things that are related to the problem in front of me, I get extra points. Today, I noticed my head spinning down and so I said outloud in my care (yes, I do talk to myself sometimes) “I’m grateful for… the soothing rain, the ability to use my brain, the people in my life who are loving and healthy, that feelings don’t last forever and help me move through hard things, and that I remembered to make a gratitude list today”, then I walked into the gym and sweated it out.
What are you grateful for today? Let us know below.
