Power struggles
Power struggles naturally occur between parents and children when children are not listening and parents try to control them. Below are some helpful strategies to approach these difficult moments:
1. Mirroring:
Let your kids know that you can hear them by repeating their concern and words back to them. You can say, “I hear that you___”.
Mirroring back what you hear can lower anxiety and makes your child feel understood and supported.
2. Validation:
Validate their experience by saying, “you don’t like that” or “you don’t want to __”
Validation allows children to gain control.
3. Feelings:
Ask your kids how they feel or label their feelings by saying, “you look mad” or “I am wondering if you feel disappointed”. It may be more helpful to state, “you can say, ‘I feel mad” and have them repeat you.
When children have the opportunity to say how they feel they are less likely to express themselves through behaviors.
4. Empowerment Through Encouraging Feelings:
Allow them to have their feelings by saying, “let it out. I am here with you while you are feeling___”
This feels empowering to children. They need to get their feelings out.
5. Boundaries
Set a boundary by saying, “if you choose to continue to ___then you are making the choice to loose____” or “it is time to be all done__”. Once you set a limit, follow through and limit verbal input.
It is essential to follow through with limits or children will continue to push boundaries.
6. Healing:
Heal the situation by saying, “I didn’t like when you__ but I love you” or “you had a hard time earlier and I want you to know that I love you”
This part is the most important because it strengthens and secures attachment.
Alli Domers, MSS
As a child therapist, I can help you and your child work through these difficult moments and develop skills to make these situations feel more manageable in the future. Contact me here or by clicking the button below in order to set up a free initial phone consultation for online therapy or in the West Chester or Bryn Mawr locations.